Sunday, January 26, 2014

Out with the old...

Sometimes, things happen around you that you have no control over. You try, really hard to keep your life on a certain track, work very hard toward a specific goal, and find yourself stuck in a place that is unexpected. When that happens, some people lose themselves, slide into a rut, and never come out. But some people go with the flow and find themselves delighted with where they end up. I thought I was one of those first people. I honestly didn't think I was a go with the flow sort of person. I viewed the choices and things I've done in the past few years as choices to maintain my sanity more than as a changing of gears and direction.

I never meant to be a stay at home mother. Don't misunderstand - I'm so glad and grateful that I could stay home for that first two years with my wonderful little boy. I've enjoyed most of the time I've had home (I'd be a liar if I said I loved it all), and I don't regret the life course that led me there. BUT. It was never my intention or plan to continue that way. When I couldn't get employment because I am overqualified and under-experienced (along with a startlingly large number of other law school grads), we made the very best of a bad situation.

Now, I am beginning a new path. Or, more correctly, I am returning to a path I followed before but lacked the conviction to stay on. And I am stupidly excited. There will be a number of adjustments to be made. I will be home less to be with and be here for my family. I hope they understand. Logistically, my commute is far and long; but, we hope to change that soon.

Life has suddenly become very busy. I hope I can keep up.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Cause you gotta have faith

The night before the baby shower, I stood there, staring at it. I felt ... something hard to put into words. Joy, relief, some trepidation, a few other emotions I can't put names to, all crystallized into one moment.

"That's pretty cool," my husband joined me in staring at it briefly.

"I've finished it, and that means she's having a baby."

He looked at me curiously, "How long have you been working on it?"

The answer to that starts with a statement. This baby blanket did not start because someone called me and said they were pregnant. This blanket was cast on with the knowledge that one day a specific someone would tell me they were pregnant and would be given this blanket. The minute I saw this pattern, I knew I would knit it and I knew who I would knit it for. I bought the yarn and cast on the blanket in June of 2011. I got nearly finished and then put the whole thing into hibernation. It felt wrong to finish it before there was a baby to finish it for. So it sat. And sat. Never once did I doubt it would get finished. Never once did I wonder if I should just finish it and give it to someone else. Not. Once.

A little less than two years later, I got the call that I'd been waiting for to finish it. I did a happy dance. A silly, stupid, crazy, I'm-happier-now-than-when-I-knew-I-was-having-a-baby happy dance. I was at my LYS, where they know that I very rarely break out in great moments of gleeful foolishness. Whatever it was, they knew, it was something EPIC. Finally, the baby I had been wishing for, the bright shining light of wonder at the end of a long, painful, hopeful road for the dearest of dear couples, was on his way. So I went into the bin of hibernating projects, pulled it out, and finished it.

Welcome, Little Man! I hope you love your (yes mom it is machine washable) blanket. I hope it brings you warmth and happiness and brightness. Because that's what you've done for us, simply by being.